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Modern Phrenology Newsletter 2011 - Joe Olsen.
04-21-2011, 08:13 AM
Post: #1
Modern Phrenology Newsletter 2011 - Joe Olsen.
Modern Phrenology Society Newsletter
by Joe Olsen.

There may still be hope for those of us interested in discredited nineteenth century science.
Those dedicated to the belief that measurements and study of
the dimensions of, and bumps on, the skull define character and mental capacity have a new ally.
The currently embattled „Human Caused Global Warming‟ movement is in need of our support.

First, a brief historical review for those of us so immersed in our „anatomical‟ studies that
we are not up to date with the "Earth branch‟ of nineteenth century science.
The renown French mathematician, Jean Fourier first postulated on "air‟ behaving like a "greenhouse‟ in the mid century.
However, it was Svante Arrhenius, the great founder of European Eugenics, founder and life-long member of the Nobel Committee,
who was able to blame humanity for a pending rise in global temperatures in 1896.

By measuring limited samples in his laboratory he was able to extrapolate that a doubling of atmospheric carbon dioxide would cause a six degree rise.
He was quickly proven wrong by Knut Angstrom, but given time delays in data transfers it took five years for universal peer review to affirm Angstrom, deny Arrhenius.
Knut was able to show that Svante's numbers were three times the actual value.
Adherence to strict scientific methods limited Knut's chance of future grants or Nobel Prize nominations.

In the late twentieth century and new generation of scientists were able to resurrect the Arrhenius hypothesis and successfully indoctrinate large portions of the population.
But then modern methods of analysis interfered and rogue non-believers were able to prove that even Knut's reductions were off by a factor of ten.
What happened in the test tube did not replicate Nature.

Turns out that increases in CO2 are absorbed by oceans, soil and plants.
Further complicating things is the fact that CO2 energy absorption rate is non linear, reaching a maximum long before magic atmospheric doubling of concentration number.
With human contribution only 3% of atmospheric CO2, there was mounting resistance to fear mongering.
It would take thousands of years for humans to double the current CO2 ratio.

Phrenology can now aid the Global Warmists. All Modern Phrenology practitioners are urged to make the following adjustment to their diagnosis.
If there is evidence of prolonged use for theatrical face putty, over coiffed hair and retinal glazing from prolonged teleprompter exposure,
do not declare this patient to be a hopeless sock puppet.
This may in fact be a television news reader and helpful to our cause.

If the patient displays
shifting beady eyes, over developed jaw muscles and profuse head sweating,
do not diagnose as a career criminal.
This may be a career politician and useful for the funding our science needs.
If the patient displays
a confident disbelieve in Global Warming no further diagnosis is necessary.
The recommended treatment for this condition is to beat the patient with your cranial calipers while yelling “Heretic, heretic !”

Thankfully, Phrenology can benefit from a number of modern social trends.
Government regulations may soon shutter the automobile industry, giving great hope the former industrial giants in the harness manufacturing sector.
The dreaded nineteenth century incandescent light bulb has been outlawed reviving hope for the candle and oil lamp trades.
Rolling blackouts from sporadic wind and solar power generation will reinforce this trend.

Modern Medicine has finally embraced the ancient, but for a time discredited, practice of blood sucking leaches and flesh eating maggots as treatments.
Though currently limited this field may expand and allow the return of blood-letting and hot iron searing.
It does not take great vision to see the future from here, we have already been there !

Great steps in humanity are not required to be forward.
Remember the invasions of the Huns and the Dark Ages.
Phrenologists know the embarrassment and loss of being attacked by rival sciences and having no empirical data to support our belief system.
We must therefore join in support of the Warmist cause.
With Warmist support, together with the politicians and the media,
we may be able to reestablish Phrenology along with other discredited ancient beliefs.
Never forget our society moto:

Restoring Science to its Proper Place….the Nineteenth Century !

Joseph A Olson, PE

Authors Note: I‟m a simple fly-over country boy with a complete grasp of the obvious and am a shameless promoter of truth.
Making fun of these sanctimonious, data fudging, Progressive hypocrites is, as we say in Texas, easy as shootin‟ fish in a barrel.
I‟m gonna roll „em up in corn meal and deep fry „em. They are, by the way, 100% free of any humanity.
This article now posted at

(Mr Olson is not a member or authorized spokesman for the Modern Phrenology Society)

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